So you are pregnant and have older kids, what do you do with them when it’s time for you to deliver your new baby? Your older child/children know you are having a baby but what will you tell them when your water breaks, or when the contraction starts? Who will stay with them while you are gone? All these questions need answers and you should have the answers at least a month prior to your due date. So we tried our very best to answer some of the most common questions below. We hope the information you find here proves useful.
Can My Child Stay With Me In The Hospital?
This is a question for your birthing hospital of choice. Hospitals and birthing centers will have policies regarding having visitors and rules for visitors staying overnight if allowed to.
Hospitals tend to be more restrictive than birthing centers. Birthing centers encourage having as many visitors as possible when you are bringing your baby into the world. You will be cautioned if you have younger children who may not be emotionally prepared for seeing the birth process through. Once the birth is over, children are allowed back into the room.
Note that staff may ask anyone to leave who is having a negative impact on the labor process by either disrupting or slowing down the process. The ultimate choice of who stays in the room with you is up to you.
When you opt to give birth in a birthing center you will usually be sent home within a few hours of delivery. Then you call all the shots!
Older Children at Delivery
Childbirth is a time when we rejoice, it is also a time when emotions are powerful and a lot of them are outside of your control. The decision to have an older child in the labor room is up to you and your partner. You must consider your child or children’s level of maturity and how comfortable they may be with all the happenings.
Birth is a potentially scary visual and different children will react differently. You also want to discuss this with your obstetrician as well as your midwife. If you think your child may be ready to experience the miracle of bringing a baby into the world you may want to introduce them to beforehand so that they can also make a decision if they really want to be there.
Who Will Care For Your Baby When You Have No Family Closeby?
When you are about to bring a child into the world you want to ensure you have a plan for your existing children. A backup plan to the plan is also a good idea. If you don’t have family living close by you have a couple options for childcare for your older children.
1. Fly in Family
If your family don’t live close by and you can afford to fly them in a little before your due date, then this is your first option. It may be hard to schedule when to fly them in unless you are certain you are having a c-section or will be induced. The best bet is to get them in around 2 weeks before your due date. If they are not close by but close enough to drive for a couple hours, then you can forego the plane ticket and just pay for their gas. This way you can get them there when they need to be and
2. Have a Friend Keep Your Kids
If you have a friend that can watch your kids for the couple days you will be in the hospital, this is a good option to take advantage of. It would be great if the same friend can keep them both night and day. If your friend can come over to your house this could make for a better arrangement so your kids can stay in their regular routine and this will keep their anxiety down as you are gone. If friends can come over then you can have them share the roles, so one can stay over at night and another during the day etc, so they can still go on with their day to day lives.
3. Paid Help
If you don’t have either the above options you should be able to find a caregiver who can come into your home and care for your children while you are away. Since your due date is not necessarily the day you give birth, you may need to employ this person ahead of time. You may need to have this person on call or have them on some sort of retainer in the couple days prior to your due date so that your kids are covered when you need to go the hospital.
Get the Help you Need When Baby Comes Home
It is hard to figure out just what type of help you will need before bringing home the baby from the hospital. The truth is each child is different and your needs will be different after each one. It is important to note that the support and help is not just for the mom but also for the new baby and the entire family. Getting the right amount of help can make the difference between sleep deprivation and stress which can lead to strain on relationships and hurt everybody in the family.
The truth is, the best way to figure out what type of help you will need is to take the first few days with the baby alone and see what it’s like. Then you can see what you really are struggling with and know that is the avenue for which you need help the most. This can be hard if you have family on hand that are dying to help you out. Resisting their offers the first week can be hard and tempting, but if you want to establish a rhythm you do just that. Then you can get them in and let them know exactly what you need from them. And this advice relates to partners, friends, family members and paid caregivers. Just know that if you are not coping well by yourself in those days – ask for the help.
Help from Your Partner
As a new mom it is easy for you to want your spouse to help you out more. But your partner won’t know exactly what you need without you voicing it. It’s not a seamless process and that is OK. Sit down and talk about your needs, so you can both come up with a solution that works for both of you.
Help From Your Family
While your family might seem “over-eager”, they are doing this out of love. Yes, we know, a full scale invasion into your home is helpful on one front and stressful on another and you hate to be the bad guy. But sometimes you have to be the bad guy. Remember some people may not have family help and wish they could be you.
If family members will be your main support and you have a lot of willing hands you should really spread it out over time. You will always need help, but the help you need may change every so often as the baby grows and develops from one stage to the next. So manage the help you are getting and spread it out over time. Ask family members what kind of help they can offer and how long they can stay for each visit. Then you can design how to really spread them out for the best coverage.
Remember you don’t have to have them physically over to help. Have them do grocery runs, pharmacy runs, laundry loads etc. That helps to cut down your to-do-list as well as your spouse’s to-do-list.
Help from a Paid Caregiver
If you don’t have friends and family who have the time to give you the support you need, you can opt for a paid caregiver. Of course there is the affordability factor. You can choose to hire a doula, a baby nurse, or one off persons to complete particular tasks from time to time. If you want to hire someone for long term care or semi-permanent care you may want to do the interviewing process while still pregnant.
You can find a doula near you through our black doula directory or the Doula Organization of North America website. You can opt to get a baby nurse – this is not an actual nurse and more like a nanny. This caregiver will stay with you and family 24/7 when the baby comes home from the hospital. Baby nurses are typically employed between two weeks to a month.
Bringing Home Baby in a Pandemic
Coming home from the hospital with a baby is always an event that is filled with emotion. It is especially so during our current pandemic – the COVID-19 pandemic. It is perfectly normal to feel anxious during this time but know that you can still enjoy your time in your new normal and with your new addition.
How Each State Supports Pregnant and New Parents
You could be eligible for assistance and support from government agencies for when you bring a baby home. We have detailed information about a variety of programs here (Insert link to above-mentioned article here) that could be valuable to you and your family.
Conclusion
When it comes to labor and delivery you need all the support you can get. For some, ‘ there is no family member or friend that may have the time and availability to meet our needs. Now that you are more aware of your options for your older kids when you go into labor, we wish you a happy and safe labor and delivery experience.
Cris
